Post partum depression

This is a post I've been meaning to write for a long time. I've started and deleted it more times than I can count. This is an extremely personal thing for me to share with you, it's something I hid from my own husband for nearly 6 months. I thought denying it to myself would make it go away, I hoped pretending it wasn't there would fix it. After 6 months I finally broke down in tears one night on the phone with my husband (the hard stuff always surfaced while he was on the rig), and told him I thought I needed help because something wasn't right. I wasn't sure if it was lingering baby blues, ppd, or ppa but I knew something wasn't bright and more poor sweet innocent son was the one suffering.

Don't get me wrong, I did and still do love my son more than anything but that "connection" you always hear about just wasn't there. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant and fell in love the second I saw that positive test, but my pregnancy was difficult. Justin and I were still very early in our relationship, we we're pretty broke and everything that could go wrong did, aside from our healthy son. He was, and is a God send that always kept us going.

There were many things that contributed to my ppd, I could probably go on all day but the major ones were my birth experience,  the problems/failure I had with breastfeeding and Justins job keeping him away so often. I was alone, scared and lost in the very beginning of journey as a new mom. I didn't feel like I had anyone to turn to. My only friend with a child was states away, my mom always gave advice that went completely again my parenting 'plan' so to speak and I've honestly just never felt comfortable going to my MIL with questions and advice. I always felt as though she judged me for failing to breastfeed. 

I finally went to the doctor about 7 months pp and got help. He prescribe some medicine and it's made a world of a difference.  My marriage is thriving and I couldn't love my sweet boy more. I look in his big brown eyes now and feel that once missing connection. He follows me around all day, as frustrating as It can be at times it make my heart melt to see him smile up at me saying "momma".

I can't encourage you enough to talk to a doctor I'd you feel that something isn't right. You miss ouy on ao much more than you know. Speak up, to anyone you can!