The big ONE!

As of 10:55 p.m. on September 24th, my sweet sweet boy in now a one year old toddler! I can't believe how fast this year is gone, I feel like I just gave birth!

Over the past year I've watched my little boy grow and learn and I've done my own growing and learning as a mother,  woman, and adult. I know every mother says this, but I've got an amazingly beautiful, smart, and funny son. He continues to amaze me every day with the things he does and learns. Things as simple as drinking from an adult glass, or putting his bath towel in a dresser drawn (not fee correct one but still) amaze me to see. He learns so much just by simply observing his daddy & I.

My big man just cut his 7th tooth, wears sizes 12-24 months & can now climb stairs! He's a full blown walker now and is starting to run. I wish I had height and weight but our new Pedi is quite busy this month so I won't know until October 13th.

2 years!

Yesterday was mine & Justins 2 year anniversary! It's crazy to think I've been with this amazing man that long. He makes me crazy and I want to punch him all to often but I love him none the less. 

He's made so many sacrifices for Brantley and I, including leaving everything he's ever know to move to Michigan.  Did I blog on that topic yet? I honestly can remember,  hahah!

This one is short and sweet since my little in splashing in the tub and I can't be distracted for long. I've got a l9ng one for you tomorrow! 

Big changes

Since Justin lost his job we've encounter many big changes, some are good and others  not so great.

There are only a few things I like about the area we live in, the beaches and a few friends. Other than that it completely sucks. I hate Florida weather with a passion and the cost of living is insane, thanks to the asshole tourists that come down to trash everything. There's bugs, snakes, and endless humidity. I don't talk much about it but I really do miss Michigan more than anything. I miss the legitimate season changes, my family and the few friends I've kept after all these years and most of all, I want a white Christmas.  There's is nothing worse than wearing shorts on Christmas.

I suppose the only point to that last paragraph is that due to Justins difficulty in finding a job in the crap area we'll be moving back to Michigan the first week October.  My mom, her husband and my father are all able to get him a job, we can stay with my grandmother in her massive house for the time being until we find out own place.

I just feel that in the current situation we're stuck in that it's better for us as a family. Aside from my mom none of my family has ever met Brantley which kills me. Justins family kind of sucks for the most part, and we get NO help with anything,  ever. I know my family will be more than willing to help with anything we need.

Justin is quite nervous about the whole ordeal as am I but I'm not going to hide my excitement either. He was born on Eglin and raised in this area for all 26 years of his life so I don't blame him for worrying but I wish he wouldn't stress so much. It in turn stresses me and makes me worry he'll change his mind at the last minute or something like that. Over the last few days I've started trying to figure what we can get rid of or throw away. I've come to the conclusion that we have entirely to much stuff!

I suppose I can throw in an update on my big WALKING 11 month old man! That's right, he walks! All over, all the time.

Post partum depression

This is a post I've been meaning to write for a long time. I've started and deleted it more times than I can count. This is an extremely personal thing for me to share with you, it's something I hid from my own husband for nearly 6 months. I thought denying it to myself would make it go away, I hoped pretending it wasn't there would fix it. After 6 months I finally broke down in tears one night on the phone with my husband (the hard stuff always surfaced while he was on the rig), and told him I thought I needed help because something wasn't right. I wasn't sure if it was lingering baby blues, ppd, or ppa but I knew something wasn't bright and more poor sweet innocent son was the one suffering.

Don't get me wrong, I did and still do love my son more than anything but that "connection" you always hear about just wasn't there. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant and fell in love the second I saw that positive test, but my pregnancy was difficult. Justin and I were still very early in our relationship, we we're pretty broke and everything that could go wrong did, aside from our healthy son. He was, and is a God send that always kept us going.

There were many things that contributed to my ppd, I could probably go on all day but the major ones were my birth experience,  the problems/failure I had with breastfeeding and Justins job keeping him away so often. I was alone, scared and lost in the very beginning of journey as a new mom. I didn't feel like I had anyone to turn to. My only friend with a child was states away, my mom always gave advice that went completely again my parenting 'plan' so to speak and I've honestly just never felt comfortable going to my MIL with questions and advice. I always felt as though she judged me for failing to breastfeed. 

I finally went to the doctor about 7 months pp and got help. He prescribe some medicine and it's made a world of a difference.  My marriage is thriving and I couldn't love my sweet boy more. I look in his big brown eyes now and feel that once missing connection. He follows me around all day, as frustrating as It can be at times it make my heart melt to see him smile up at me saying "momma".

I can't encourage you enough to talk to a doctor I'd you feel that something isn't right. You miss ouy on ao much more than you know. Speak up, to anyone you can!

Brantley- 10 months.

I know I always start out each update with something to the effect of "my baby's getting so big!", but it's true. My baby is 10 moths old! In less than 2 months I'll be celebrating his 1st birthday! It's hitting me extremely hard that he's so grown and I've been incredibly sad about it.

It blows me away to think about how far he's come in just 10 short months. There are now 4 teeth in his little mouth, FOUR TEETH! Can you believe it?! Sometimes I forget about them until he smiles that sweet little smile at me. The first 3 came in almost effortlessly but this 4th one gave him hell. A rash, fever, the whole nine yards. His physical milestones haven't changed much, aside from his attempt to stand unassisted these past 2 days. It's a pretty comical thing to see, him flailing his little arms bouncing off the floor. He can walk like a pro if I hold his hands and runs all over the house with the little push toy I bought a few months ago.

It's not really new, but we discovered that he LOVES water. Showers, baths, puddles, pools, rivers, oceans. All of it, right down to the melted ice cubes on the kitchen floor. He tries so hard to drink out of our adult cups. It usually ends in a wet sticky mess bur it's always a cute sight.

These past few weeks more than ever he's been a mommas boy. I can't walk out of his sight without a full blown melt down. It breaks my heart but sometimes I need to pee alone!  I saved two of the biggest updates for last, it's been nearly a month now and Brantley is 100% off the bottle!  & the biggest update,  he took 3 STEPS ALL BY HIMSELF.  Completely on his own.

Watching this little boy grown and learn is the biggest blessing I could've ever been given. I thank God every day for giving me a happy, healthy, thriving little boy.  A stubborn, ornery, nosy boy, but I love him none the less. Watching him grow and learn each day is the most hitter sweet feeling. If motherhood has taught me one thing it's that I'm not just Brantley's teacher, he's mine as well. In just 10 short months I've been taught to look at things a whole new way. I've learned more looking at the world through his eyes than I ever could have on my own.

Brantley's first fever

My poor boy woke up at 3 am with his first ever fever. I've been thankful that we made it this far with no sickness,  but he was so miserable last night.

I could tell something was up by the way he was sleeping. Usually a hard still sleeper, I could hear him thrashing and whimpering for hours. He woke up for a bottle and I noticed his head was burning up so I stripped his footie jammies off,  put just a onsie on him and brought him to our bed. Daddy helped me give him some pain reliever & fever reducer medicine. I tried to rock and cuddle him back to sleep with me but he just wanted to climb around. I let him be hoping he'd wear himself out, about 45 minutes later I laid him in his crib with a sippy cup of formula and about 5 minutes later he was out.

Thankfully, he woke up feeling much better today! Still a bit warm, but he's been acting like himself which is great!

A slap in the face

Last week my husband got a phone call that no oilfield man ever wants to get. He was released from his contract... He's still a Woodgroup employee but he has no contract right now, meaning he's not working, meaning he's not getting a paycheck. So after this month I have no clue how we'll pay our bills unless he gets another job, STAT! We took out a loan on his 401K (if you don't have one, GET ONE!) and this paycheck we just got was a good one.

I swallowed my pride and applied for food stamps and Medicaid for Brantley. I'm praying we get at least something.  I've been so stressed and worried about this... I try so hard to stay positive for my husband, because I can only imagine what's going on in his mind, but it's getting difficult. My anxiety is through the roof, my Prozac has been doing nothing for me lately. I feel worse than I did before I started taking it.


This post is going to be short because I just don't have the energy to talk about this one....