Breastfeeding woes

When I found out I was pregnant there was no question about it, I was going to breastfeed. Today's society has turned breastfeeding in to a shameful 'weird' thing to do, I find that very disheartening. There are so many benefits to providing babies with breast milk, many people just dismiss that fact because having a baby suck on the breast is 'just weird'. I think it's weird that such a normal, natural thing has been so sexualized that many woman are shames for doing what has been found to be best for their babies. One comical thing I've come across in all my research is that breastfeeding is a 'modern fad' and it will pass. I laughed out loud at that one, breast feeding had been around for millions of years, formula has only been around for 60 years(I have no idea if that's close to correct, that's a number I came across in an article). Don't get me wrong, formula is a wonderful thing, so many babies, and moms have legitimate issues as to why they can't or don't want to breast feed and formula makes that possible.

Now, here's the, unfortunately short, tail of mine and Brantley's breastfeeding adventure.

I got immediate skin to skim with Brantley after he was born, though I strategically had Justin's family come in to see him then because I didn't want them to be able to hold him yet, so I didn't attempt to nurse him right away. I was supposed to get an hour of skin to skin before the nurse took him to do what they have to do right away, but it was cut short right before I attempted to get him to latch because he was apparently not breathing 100% like he should have been. The nurses then monitored him for a little over an hour while I was allowed to get up and shower, and honestly it was probably the most amazing shower I've ever had but that's beside the point. Once Brantley was about 4 hours old I got to attempt to nurse him for the first time. I honestly feel like all the research I did and all the YouTube videos on proper latches were of little to no help at that exact moment. Due to me having huge boobs and his tiny little mouth, and honestly a less than helpful LPN, we ended up using a nipple shield after just two failed attempts at a good latch. We then went on and he ate for roughly 10 minutes on each side, and that would be the only time he would sat in the first 36 hours of his life. Despite my many attempts to nurse every 2 hours or so, he would fight and refuse to suck or latch and suck a few times only to fall asleep.

I was very discouraged and frustrated with the whole process, I felt like I was doing something wrong and failing to properly feed my brand new little baby that was supposes to eat constantly. There are so many things baby's are supposed to do according to doctors. Well, my baby did none of those things aside from sleep for his first few days of life. Despite the worry of nipple confusion I attempted to give him a paci and a bottle while in the hospital. He refused to suck either one of them, that honestly made me feel a lot better. I wasn't the problem, Brantley just simply wasn't interested in anything. My nurses we're very reassuring that this can happen with some babies, and as long as everything else is perfectly okay, doctors don't worry until it gets closer to or past the 24 mark.

Once we got home from the hospital our problems only grew. I couldn't get him to eat from the breast at all, he would fight and scream in frustration, even if I tried to get him to latch before he was fully awake and hungry. I was supplementing with formula and pumping to replace those feedings so my supply wouldn't be negatively effected. Shortly there after I began exclusively pumping, and not producing as much as he was eating. We continued to supplement with formula and I continued to pump and try certain things I'd read online to help my supply but nothing really worked.

Once Brantley hit 2 weeks old he began to spit up, very excessively. It would happen after every single feeding now, and between feedings, and in the middle of the night while he was dead asleep. He had always spit up, from day one, but this was a scary amount. I was at a lose of what to do. I would feed my poor hungry baby then he would spit up everything in his little belly, then cry out of pain and still being hungry. I brought it up to the pediatrician who suggested rice cereal in his bottles, something I wasn't comfortable with. I decided to against his advice and I switched Brantley to a sensitive formula for babies with lactose sensitivities and milk allergies. We saw an almost immediate improvement. He would do fine with the formula but spit up all the breast milk. I brought this up to the doctor, and we then learned that Brantley has a very sever lactose sensitivity. My poor little boy is borderline lactose intolerant, and for the first month of his life all I did was cause him more pain. He would eat, spit up, cry from hunger pains, and the only thing that would sooth him was a other bottle. Unless he was asleep this is how our days were spent.

There was a slight chance that I could have continued giving breast milk if I would have cut dairy from my diet, but I wasn't okay with putting my poor baby through more pain while we waited 2-4 weeks for all the dairy to leave our systems. Especially since we had an immediate fix, and there was a very, very small chance cutting dairy would work with his sensitivity being as sever as it was. It broke my heart to quit giving him breast milk, but I was doing what was best for him, and that's all that matters.

I've been praying that we don't have these problems with our future babies, and I've looked in to lactation consultants in the area to try and avoid all the issues we had this time.

I'm going to leave you with some pictures of my adorable little boy :)

Two months is too long;

It's been two months since my last post, and two months since the birth of my wonderful baby boy! I'm going to attempt to be a better blogger now. I don't usually do anything except tend to him and the house, it keeps me busy but I have quite a bit of down time. I'd also like to document all of mine and Brantley's adventures and troubles.

Let me start off with my little big mans growth so far; at his 1 month check up he weighted in at 10.7lbs, which was up 2lbs from leaving the hospital since he lost nearly half a pound, he had also grown from 21 inches to 22.5! He's already growing like a weed and to long for certain 0-3 month clothing. We don't go in for his 2 month check up until December the 3rd, but I'm excited to see how much more he's grown. I'm thinking he's easily pushing 13lbs, my boy likes to eat.

We spend most of our days cuddling on the couch and watching movies. At just 2 months old he is absolutely fascinated with the lights and sounds from the TV, he is pretty partial to Mickey Mouse Club house, or so I like to think. He smiles all the time and is constantly talking to me. I've even gotten a giggle every so often. He loves bath time, he will go from screaming to smiling in less than a second once he's in the sink.  The swing is his favorite place to hang out when mommy can't hold him.  He likes being worn in the Moby wrap but prefers the travel system for walks. He has great neck control while he's sitting up or being held but refuses to pick his head up during tummy time. He's perfectly capable of doing it, but he prefers to bury his face in the blanket and scoot all over the place. He's still a bit weary of daddy with him being gone so much, but they enjoy watching movies together.

As perfect as I like to think my little boy is we have had our fair share or troubles. I was planning to breastfeed throughout my entire pregnancy and did tons of research on. I wanted to be as educated as possible on what I would be doing since it was so important to me. We had many troubles that ended our breastfeeding adventure early, but that will be a post all it's own tomorrow.

We have also had many troubles with him sleeping well. When we first got home from the hospital all he did was sleep, eat, and repeat. I couldn't fathom this horrid exhaustion everyone said new moms experienced. He would wake up to eat every 3-4 hours, if I tried to feed him more often he would fight and go back to sleep. Since he was gaining weight like he should have been I didn't fight him. Babies need sleep to grow also. Over the next few weeks he continued to wake every 3-4 hours to eat. I was really lucky and got a 5-7 hour stretch occasionally. Then we hit the 8 week sleep regression, on top of a wonder week. He now wakes every 2-3 hours to eat and sometimes refuses to go back to sleep. I know it'll only last a weeks or so, but I'm absolutely exhausted. I've been a bad mommy this week and let him sleep in the swing at night while I'm on the couch, he gets much better quality sleep and I get a little more than if we slept in the bedroom. I'm so ready for him to sleep through the night.

I've come to realize time flies with babies. These past two months have flown by. Day to day life is definitely a lot different with a tiny human to care for.

We had a baby!

That's right, little Brantley Dean is here! I should really say, not so little though. My baby boy weighed in at 9lbs and 21 inches long!

I went to see my OB on 9-23-13 since that was my original due date, he(very reluctantly) went ahead and scheduled an induction for the next morning. While I was 100% happy with him as my OB during the whole pregnancy, it bothered me a bit that he thought just because I was a first time mom I would end up laboring for 24+ hours then ending as a failure to progress. I proved him very wrong though :)

I got to the hospital at 7:15, at 9 am I got mg first dose of Cytotec (I was scheduled 4 doses if needed) and by 10:30ish I was in active labor and my contractions were in full force. At roughly 1:00 I started the process of getting an epidural, while the process sucked and was horribly painful, it was exactly what I needed to relax and enjoy the labor and birth of my son. The epidural didn't take quite right on my left side, so the wonderful anesthesiologist came and fixed me up and got it working. At that point I was almost too numb. I definitely felt better, but was scared I was to numb to effectively push when the time came. By 10 that night one of the nurses had me start practice pushes to bring him down a bit more and try to get the feel of the process. About 10:30 my OB came in and suited up.

It got really real at that point (as if it was fake up until then? Lol). I started to freak out and really doubted my ability to actually bring a child in to the world. After every push I would mumble/yell that I couldn't do it, Justin was by my aide the entire time and was absolutely amazing. I know I wouldn't have been able to do it with out him. He was an amazing supportive daddy to be!

At 10:55 I pushed for the final time and just seconds later I had the most beautiful baby boy dropped on my chest. I was completely speechless, I just laid there staring in disbelief that he was my son. That I had actually given birth to a baby, a baby that grew in my belly.

This was hands down the most amazing moment of my life, along with none and Justin's relationship. 

It's almost that time!

Well, it's almost baby time! We have 5 short days left until my due date, and also next OB appointment. My due date falls on a Monday, and Justin will leave for work again on Tuesday a little before midnight. Needless to say, I'm beyond nervous that this little one will make his grand entrance while Justin is at work. If I happen to go in to labor while he's on the rig they'll immediately fly him and he'll drive home, but that can take anywhere from 5-10 hours depending on how fast they get a bird out there. I'm praying that we'll have a baby before then! I've been having irregular contractions and weird back pain, but that could be nothing.

We've got the house and nursery as ready as can be to bring a baby home. So for now it's just a waiting game. I've always been impatient, and always hated waiting.

Stressing, worrying and going crazy.

I've been stressed to the absolute limit here lately, mostly about money, but it's definitely not the only thing.

We're doing fine right now with finances, we fixed my truck for a lot less than I thought it was going to take, so now we don't have to worry so much about saving ton fix his car. We still definitely put a lot in savings, but now it doesn't have to be every extra penny, which makes me feel so much better.

Just last week we bought a new washer & dryer and a fridge :) and that night Justin bought me the Paula Dean pan set I've been wanting(and realllly needing), the huge Paula Dean cutting board I needed & some new tupperwere. He also left me extra money this week to get a much needed pedicure since I can non longer reach my toes & to get my eyebrows waxed! Such a wonderful man :) He really does spoil me to no end...

I couldn't be more thankful to have him in my life and I feel like I can never tell him enough how much I appreciate everything he's done for me and our soon to be family. He's an amazing man and going to be an even more amazing father. We've talked in depth about marriage and even though we're not officially engaged he still calls me his future wife or fiance, never just his girlfriend anymore. I'm more worried about making sure Brantley has everything he'll need before we spend money on a ring & get married, but it's going to happen as soon as I have a ring :)

So I really don't have a big reason to worry about money for the next few months, Thank God! However, I know once Brantley's here everything's going to change... People have told me that since I'm going to breastfeed all I'll need to worry about is buying diapers, but diapers are expensive, and I know diapers aren't going to be the only added monthly expense.

I've also come to realize that pregnancy has made me even more hateful and bitter than I used to be... I've hit 24 weeks and I'm so big, I never sleep anymore, I'm always sweating, and being so close to the third trimester has me anxious and extreamly nervous!

Justin & mines friend came over for dinner with his new girlfriend he wanted us to meet and I absolutely hated having company, the entire time. Of course it doesn't help that they thought it was okay to show up 2 hours late with a meal that takes another 2 hours to cook(when Justin had to leave for work in just a few hours), then proceed to put there muddy shoes on my expensive furniture. I'm just not a people person anymore, at all! I never really used to be, but now I've lost the last bit of tolerance I used to have.

Time for a change...

Well we found out that IT'S A BOY! we have our little Brantley Dean Polk on the way and couldn't be happier. I'm 19 weeks 2 days, and feel like I have NO time to do everything that needs done. I finally found a crib/ changing table I like that won't cost an arm and a leg, thanks to Craigslist. We have the car seat & stroller, and the swing. As well as having the nursery theme planned, I just have to order the bedding now. I feel like we have the major bases covered for the big things. I buy clothes just about every time I leave the house, but still have next to nothing.

I'm blessed enough to be getting two baby showers and can't be thankful enough for that. In July I'll be road tripping up to Michigan with my mom and sister, my oldest sisters are throwing me a shower with my whole huge family up there. My mother in law will be throwing one down here some time in August. So that's a huge help.

Back around Christmas Justin and I moves in with his mom to help with money, and now his mom & step dad are moving out and leaving us with the house, which was wonderful. Well, today my nana asked if we'd want to rent her house when she moves to a different farm in the next year or so. So we have the trailer for now, then nana's house after a while & can't believe how much we lucked out on that one!

Good things come to those who wait;

Okay, maybe not... More like those with connections and those that work there asses off.

Well, Justin got his job off shores... it's changed everything, but for the better. He does one week on one week off, which is the beat deal you can get out there.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to continue with LPN school, which sucks, but I've since realized I don't wanna be a nurse. Funny right? I'll go to cosmetology school here shortly.

But SURPRISE, I'm pregnant with our first little grape :)