Brantley, 14 months

Once again I'm here with an update on my big guy! 14 whole months have pashed since the day I gave birth and I seriously can't believe it. it's amazing to see the changes in him as he grows. He's learned SO many things these past few month.... He can now open all the doors, he build the cutest little things with his mega blocks, and he takes directions so well. I'm honestly amazed at how well he listens. I mean, it's simple things like 'out' when we leave a room, he hands things to me when I ask, and thankfully, he listens to 'no' more often than not. We most definitely have our ups & downs with his growing attitude as I addressed in my last post, but he's coming around well.

I know all these updates sound so similar but he's just learning so much so quickly!

My child the terror

These last few weeks have now doubt been a BIG adjustment for Brantley! I've tried to keep that in mind when he misbehaves, but his attitude had been so out of control lately that I'm at a loss. I know a huge part of it is just his age, not knowing any better,  and testing his boundaries so to speak. I still can't help but feel like the little brat has it out for me, hahah!

I'm so torn on how to go about disabling and teaching him right from wrong.  I always try redirection a few times before I swat his hand or butt. It seems like nothing gets through to him! He just screams, all the time. I don't even know what to do anymore!

Life updates!

It's been a while since I've updates on our current situation so hear goes....

We're still staying with my nana, which I absolutely hate. I got so uses to having my own home and my own way of doing things it's making me crazy to adapt to another person's way of life so to speak. Don't get me wrong though, I'm still extremely grateful for all the help we've gotten from here! Brantley loves the big yard to play in and chasing all the animals around. I'm super happy he's adapted so well to the big changes.

I've gotten close with my dad and his side or the family again a which is nice, I usually see everyone once or twice a week plus we do a Sunday fun day cookout most weekends. I'm extremely glad Brantley has cousins to grow up with like I did, he absolutely loves playing with them! I saw both of my sisters that I haven't seen in 10+ years & got to meet all my nieces & nephews, we had a great lunch date!

Justin is loving the weather and the area, I knew he would love the area but his opinion on the weather will change come next month! He's also gotten a job at the casino as long as all the paperwork goes through. In fact he's in a meeting with HR right now while I sit in the car with a sleeping baby that decided to wake up at 6:30 am waiting to go to the goodwill which has become my favorite place lately! I need to find new thrift stores and consignment shops to frequent!

The big ONE!

As of 10:55 p.m. on September 24th, my sweet sweet boy in now a one year old toddler! I can't believe how fast this year is gone, I feel like I just gave birth!

Over the past year I've watched my little boy grow and learn and I've done my own growing and learning as a mother,  woman, and adult. I know every mother says this, but I've got an amazingly beautiful, smart, and funny son. He continues to amaze me every day with the things he does and learns. Things as simple as drinking from an adult glass, or putting his bath towel in a dresser drawn (not fee correct one but still) amaze me to see. He learns so much just by simply observing his daddy & I.

My big man just cut his 7th tooth, wears sizes 12-24 months & can now climb stairs! He's a full blown walker now and is starting to run. I wish I had height and weight but our new Pedi is quite busy this month so I won't know until October 13th.

2 years!

Yesterday was mine & Justins 2 year anniversary! It's crazy to think I've been with this amazing man that long. He makes me crazy and I want to punch him all to often but I love him none the less. 

He's made so many sacrifices for Brantley and I, including leaving everything he's ever know to move to Michigan.  Did I blog on that topic yet? I honestly can remember,  hahah!

This one is short and sweet since my little in splashing in the tub and I can't be distracted for long. I've got a l9ng one for you tomorrow! 

Big changes

Since Justin lost his job we've encounter many big changes, some are good and others  not so great.

There are only a few things I like about the area we live in, the beaches and a few friends. Other than that it completely sucks. I hate Florida weather with a passion and the cost of living is insane, thanks to the asshole tourists that come down to trash everything. There's bugs, snakes, and endless humidity. I don't talk much about it but I really do miss Michigan more than anything. I miss the legitimate season changes, my family and the few friends I've kept after all these years and most of all, I want a white Christmas.  There's is nothing worse than wearing shorts on Christmas.

I suppose the only point to that last paragraph is that due to Justins difficulty in finding a job in the crap area we'll be moving back to Michigan the first week October.  My mom, her husband and my father are all able to get him a job, we can stay with my grandmother in her massive house for the time being until we find out own place.

I just feel that in the current situation we're stuck in that it's better for us as a family. Aside from my mom none of my family has ever met Brantley which kills me. Justins family kind of sucks for the most part, and we get NO help with anything,  ever. I know my family will be more than willing to help with anything we need.

Justin is quite nervous about the whole ordeal as am I but I'm not going to hide my excitement either. He was born on Eglin and raised in this area for all 26 years of his life so I don't blame him for worrying but I wish he wouldn't stress so much. It in turn stresses me and makes me worry he'll change his mind at the last minute or something like that. Over the last few days I've started trying to figure what we can get rid of or throw away. I've come to the conclusion that we have entirely to much stuff!

I suppose I can throw in an update on my big WALKING 11 month old man! That's right, he walks! All over, all the time.

Post partum depression

This is a post I've been meaning to write for a long time. I've started and deleted it more times than I can count. This is an extremely personal thing for me to share with you, it's something I hid from my own husband for nearly 6 months. I thought denying it to myself would make it go away, I hoped pretending it wasn't there would fix it. After 6 months I finally broke down in tears one night on the phone with my husband (the hard stuff always surfaced while he was on the rig), and told him I thought I needed help because something wasn't right. I wasn't sure if it was lingering baby blues, ppd, or ppa but I knew something wasn't bright and more poor sweet innocent son was the one suffering.

Don't get me wrong, I did and still do love my son more than anything but that "connection" you always hear about just wasn't there. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant and fell in love the second I saw that positive test, but my pregnancy was difficult. Justin and I were still very early in our relationship, we we're pretty broke and everything that could go wrong did, aside from our healthy son. He was, and is a God send that always kept us going.

There were many things that contributed to my ppd, I could probably go on all day but the major ones were my birth experience,  the problems/failure I had with breastfeeding and Justins job keeping him away so often. I was alone, scared and lost in the very beginning of journey as a new mom. I didn't feel like I had anyone to turn to. My only friend with a child was states away, my mom always gave advice that went completely again my parenting 'plan' so to speak and I've honestly just never felt comfortable going to my MIL with questions and advice. I always felt as though she judged me for failing to breastfeed. 

I finally went to the doctor about 7 months pp and got help. He prescribe some medicine and it's made a world of a difference.  My marriage is thriving and I couldn't love my sweet boy more. I look in his big brown eyes now and feel that once missing connection. He follows me around all day, as frustrating as It can be at times it make my heart melt to see him smile up at me saying "momma".

I can't encourage you enough to talk to a doctor I'd you feel that something isn't right. You miss ouy on ao much more than you know. Speak up, to anyone you can!