Never letting go

                                           "I want to hold you and never let go"

     This is a phrase I know we're all familiar with and I'm sure at some point we've all said it. I used to tell Justin this every time he left me for the rig.  If you REALLY think about it though, how many times have you held someone and physically had to force yourself to let them go? I'm sure some people have just said that for the novelty of it and some people really mean it. Tonight after I went down stairs to check on Brantley and Justin I found Brantley sleeping which I expected. I picked him up and carried him to his bed and all of the sudden I was just overcome with emotions and love for my sweet boy. My sweet yet very rotten and spirited boy. I don't know why but it hit me incredibly  hard in that moment that I've failed him as a mother lately, while he is a very deliberately defiant little boy at times I've been incredibly harsh on him. When he misbehaves instead of using that as an opportunity to teach him the right way we yell and put him in time out. I've really been trying to take a gentler approach to disciplining him and so far I've failed.

    Anyway, I derailed from the point of this post! While standing in Brantleys room tonight as I was about to lay him down I didn't want to. I mean I literally didn't ever want to let him go,  had to force myself to lay him down. I could have stood there swaying with his sweetly sleeping body in my arms for eternity. I've obviously always loved my children more than anything but in that short, sweet moment I realized exactly what a mothers love really is, it's never wanting to let go.

World Breastfeeding Week

August 1st kicks of World  Breastfeeding Week!

   I have been incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful breastfeeding relationship this time around. Being able to nurse Gannon so effortlessly, without worrying if he's getting enough or having him spit it all back up and scream has truly been amazing. From day 2 everything has been perfect and I couldn't be more thankful! My emotions have been healed on so many levels and it's been so refreshing for me. Breastfeeding gives me the opportunity to sit down, breath, and connect with Gannon even on my busiest most stressful days.

  With all of that said, today we participated in something I've wanted to do for a while, The Big Latch On! We woke up and packed the car to drive an hour to help break the Guinness book of world records record for the most breastfed babies latched at one time!  There were events held all over the world! I gathered with a small group of only 8 women but we had a lot of fun, and with only 8 of us we lucked out and everyone got a raffle prize. I just so happened to win a new BumGenius 4.0 Patch print, I had been wanting a second so I was super happy.

  It was such an amazing thing to he a part of something so big that helps to bring awareness to something that is so dear to my heart. I'm looking forward to attending for the next few years aswell as our nursing relationship continues and grows.

Gannon Dean

Long time no post!

It's been 3 months today since my last post and a LOT has happened in those 3 months! To start with, we had a baby!

   Gannon Dean made his arrival after just short of 5 hours of BRUTAL labor and 7 minutes of pushing on June 3rd weighing in at 8lbs and 20in long. He was the sweetest tiniest thing I've ever seen and my heart melted the second he was placed on my chest.

   This time around labor was MUCH harder and 8 hours shorter than my last  and pushing was mush easier. I will say that you truly do forget the pain as soon as it's over, thinking back I know how painful my labor was but I can't remember it, if that makes sense. I still absolutely loved being in labor and the act of giving birth. It's the most empowering, amazing thing I've ever done and I can't believe my body has down it not just once, but TWICE.

   At nearly 2 months old Gannon is still the sweetest little thing. He sleeps like a dream, nurses like a champ, and wants to be held constantly when he's awake. He's already grown almost 3in and gained over 4lbs, mommas mil is doing its job!

  Brantley is filling the big brother roll well, aside from always stealing Gannons socks he absolutely loves him. He asks to hold him all the time and jumps the the chance to entertain him during tummy time. We've had a lot of trouble with his sleeping and behavior but that's a post all its own one day soon.  

   Justin has decided to go back to school this fall and I couldn't be prouder of him. He's going to for his Masters doing something with computers.

  That's all I feel like typing up today, so that's all you get 😄

35 weeks!

WOW.

Not only is this my first actual bumpdate, but it's probably going to be one of only a few! I've made it 35 weeks with Baby #2 and I'm so done. I obviously want to let him bake as long as he needs buy I wish I could just sleep through the rest of my 5-7 weeks.

Everything has been a-okay with baby and I so far, and for the most part these pregnancies have been insanely similar! The only real difference is my weight gain, and all the contractions I've been having. While pregnant with Brantley I gained 53lbs, this time as of 34 weeks 4 days I had gained 2lbs! I'm quite happy about that and I'm hoping it'll be easy to get all these extra pounds off after baby G is here. I also have a few hours every night that I have super regular and annoying Braxton hicks. Drives me insane and keeps me awake which I hate!

Bad blogger!

It has literally been 4 months since my last blog! I'm not going to lie, I've thought about updating 100 times but everytime Brantley has either got me busy or my phone is nearly dead so I never act got around to it!

Speaking of that monster, he's just that, a complete monster! He gets in to everything, climbs like a monkey, eats like a horse and throws fits like you've never seen! He's a very independent little boy, but if you don't jump when he wants you be prepared for a tantrum of epic proportion! That's something we've been working on alot lately with baby #2 on the way. I've come to the conclusion that he knows he'll no longer be the only baby, he's gotten so cuddly, always wants to he held and he's really taken to cosleeping. My only really worry with him is that he still doesn't talk much. I know he wants to, from the amount of baby babbling he does daily, but he just won't talk. He probably says 15 words, but very sparingly and only wen he wants to. I can tell that once he starts talking though he'll never stop! 

Now for an update on Baby #2! We found out that he is a he! I'm so excited to be having another boy, for right now we refer to him as Baby G since we decided to keep his name a secret until his birth. I did tell a few friends that I know wouldn't have rude things to say though, I was dying trying to keep it a secret from everyone! I'm 34 weeks along and feeling nothing short of huge! I have a feeling that he will either be one extreme or the other in terms of size, either 6lbs or 10lbs! I feel like it's another big boy, but I could be very wrong! I decided to take birth classes this time and I'm SO happy we did, Justin and I both learned alot ad I really got a feel for the hospital which eased alot of my anxiety. I was unbelievably happy to learn they really encourage moving during labor, and even have a jacuzzi tub for me to labor in! It's the complete opposite of the hospital I had Brantley at, they basically hooked me to every wire they could find and gave me one of those gross bedside toilets so I was extremely confined to the bed which was obviously the opposite of what I wanted! I'm very hopeful that I can have the natural experience I want this time and my OB is very on board with that. I also think the birth classes really helped reiterate everything I tell Justin and about assisting me and I think he's going to be alot more prepared this time.

Finally, I suppose I can touch on our living situation.... it still sucks. We toyed with the idea of moving around tax season but after really crunching numbers neither of us were comfortable with it. For the most part we co exist pretty well but we do have days that shit hits the fan, thankfully they're rare though!

2014

This past year hasn't been the best for my little family.  We've struggled a lot and had many downs. Justin lost his awesome off shore job, which eventually left us broke and wondering what to do next. We reluctantly decided that a move to Michigan with my family was about the only thing that would pull us out of our hole. At first I was very excited but the monger we stay here to more in realize it was a terrible decision. Our happiness has taken a huge blow, along with out marriage. We've begun working on all of this recently and are hoping to get our own apartment around February. 

2014 also came with a few ups! My sweet boy turned one! I got a new car and we found out we're expecting baby #2! I'm over the moon to be having another baby, even if it's n9t the ideal situation.

I'm going to be a cliché right now, but I can only hope that 2015 brings better things for us.