"New year, new me"

  Just kidding, that's the worst saying in the world. Now that 2016 is here I figured I should touch on what we're going to do this year! We didn't really make resolutions but we do have plans!

  Starting off, I've decided every Sunday is going to be "purge day". We simply have to much stuff and I'm tired of it. I will admit part of it is me not wanting to get rid of stuff and I think that stems from growing up fairly poor and always wishing I more or what other kids had. I'm starting off by getting rid off all the baby clothes since Gannon is now in 12 month clothes! We won't be having anymore babies for atleast 3, but more like 5 years and I don't want to hang on to all of this stuff for that long. I'll be keeping the gender neutral stuff and a few things that are sentimental but otherwise it's all going!

  I'm also going to start getting out more. More playdats, LLL meeting, babywearing meetings, story time, all of that super fun mommy junk! Brantley has become EXTREMELY shy and I'm hoping getting him out and around more will help calm that down. I'm hoping this will help me make some friends because honestly, I'm lonely.

   I also plan to make some changes to how I parent my kids, Brantley specifically, since he's the one that needs the teaching and discipline. I'm hoping to get him potty trained by the end of the year and I have some small goals on what I want him to learn through out the year. Nothing huge, juat memorizing more colors, shapes, animals and maybe start numbers and the alphabet! He's SO smart and I fully believe he can do it but I need to start actually qorking on teaching him more. I've got tons of ideas from Pinterest and when tax season comes and we have the extra money I'm going to redo his bedroom and add a lot of different educational tools.

  I suppose the last things to touch on are my plans for Justin and I! We're going to start eating better and working out, hoping to lose the extra weight we've both been holding too. We've got lots of financial plans that will hopefully pan out according to plan, savings, paying things off, simple things like that. Lastly, we're going to work on our marriage and making time for ourselves because the kids have taken over and we literally get NO alone time, ever, for anything.

That's all for today folks,  I'll be back soon with another update! I'm really going to shoot for 2 posts a week this year, lord knows I've got enough to talk about!

2 years old!

Yep, you read that right. My first born baby is officially 2 years old! His birthday was on Thursday but Justin had worked 7p-3a and we were both having an off day. We took a trip to the zoo on Friday, and had a homemade cake after dinner! Saturday and Sunday day were both party days, Saturday was a party for my mom's side of the family and Sunday was just a small cookout for my dad's side of the family.

So, some may see this as tacky, but here's a birthday haul for y'all! Justins dad sent a little times police car which Brantley absolutely loves! Aunt Courtney sent super cool star wars underwear, a pack of white tshirts and some other site undwrwear. We got him 4 Tonka trucks that light up and make noise. Justins mom sent a talking Thomas the Train that moves around with this sensor paddle thing, it's hard to explain but it's really cool! My Grandpa Steve and Grandma Joanne got him a big tractor that makes noise, and our friend Molly and her little girl got him a super cool book about animals! Oh, last but not least my mom and Tim got him a bike with training wheels which he's slowly getting the hang of.

It's so hard for me to believe that Brantley is now 2 years old... I feel like I was just pregnant with him. Time has gone by so fast and I really don't like it at all. He talks 24/7 and picks up new words daily. He's the smartest most stubborn and determined little boy I've ever met. When he sets his mind to something there is no stopping him. That's something that I hope stays with him forever.

We're taking a trip to the zoo today (can you tell we really like the place, lol) so I'm going to end on that sappy note!

Double weekend review?

I had every intention to post a weekend review last weekend, but I wanted to cheat a little and include our Tuesday zoo trip in the post aswell but by Tuesday I'd completely forgot!

So, we'll start qith last Saturday! We woke up at our regular time and I could already tell it was going to be a rough day so I decided that we'd venture to the goodwill for 50% off day. Oddly enough my kids are usually well behaved in public and lunatics at home, so we spend alot of time wondering around stores! I had planned on going to toddler time at our local library after the goodwill but it was raining and I didn't want to deal with getting the kids in and out in the rain. The last thing I need is a kid with the sniffles!

Sunday was a lazy day to catch up with the house cleaning and the never ending laundry!

Here's a little cheat in the 'weekend' review;

Justin has every Monday and Tuesday night off (have I ever mentioned that he works graveyards?) So Monday is his day to catch up on sleep and game then Tuesday is always family day! This Tuesday we went to the zoo which we actually do often since we bough an annual pass in order to save money and basically be able to go when ever we wanted. Brantley is a huge fan of the zoo and it's been a great way to work on teaching him his animals. Right now just about everything that has fur and walk on four legs is a horsey, but he's learned what birds, monkeys and snakes are. It was sweltering outside and we made this a quick but fun trip that ended with lunch at Arbys!

This past Thursday Justin took us on a surprise adventure, he literally would not tell me where we were going. I had a sneaking suspicion that we were going to Binder Park Zoo (if you live near Battle Creek Mi I HIGHLY recommend this zoo!) It's about 1.5 hours from us which gave the kids a chance to get a good nap in before we got there. Since we have a membership at our local zoo we get a 50% discount at tons of zoos across the US and Binder Park is one. Being on a budget we like to keep our extracurricular actives cheap if possible. It was another sweltering day at nearly 90° so Justin made sure I packed snacks, water, sunscreen and sun hats for the kids and off we went! Brantley of course has a blast, he walked a good 2 miles before asking to be put up on my back where he finished out our trip. If I wasn't already sweating like crazy and getting a work out in adding an extra 30lbs definitely made sure I did. Gannon hung out in the stroller for the most part, he ate as soon as we got to the zoo, but it was just too hot to wear him and the stroller canopy offered shade without covering his head the way the ergo hood does. The best part of the whole trip was getting up close and personal with the Giraffes and feeding them! Gannon gawker liked crazy and Brantley smiled like never before while feeding and petting them. It's definitely worth the $5 for a basket of leaves for them. It was a fun filled day and I always love spontaneous trips!

This Saturday -yesterday- we took a trip to Target! I think for the first time ever Brantley didn't get anything while we were there! I found Gannon 2 shirts on clearance, I treated myself to new make up, and Justin got an Age of Ultron shirt since it was on clearance. We also had to go to Walmart for somw household stuff, laundry soap, toilet paper, stuff like that! I picked up and good bit of produce since we were running low on that too. Hopefully this week I can get it all cooked before it goes bad.

Today -Sunday- we went to Sunday Funday at my dads. He has a big cookout usually twice a month or so ad we always go. Brantley loves playing with his cousins, I love getting out of the house, seeing and gossiping with family and of course the awesome food. The pulled pork today was amazing! I ate way to much and ended up with a stomach ache, haha. After a long day in the sun and slip-n-slide Brantley is currently knocked out next to me in bed. I have high hopes he'll sleep well tonight. The last week has been HELL, he sleeps like 5 hours a night and refuse to nap so needless to say I'm exhausted. Gannon didn't do any playing in the water but the heat and busyness definitely wore him out, he knocked out quickly too! I plan to follow suit as soon as this blog publishes 😄

Small happening I forgot to mention, Thursday was haircut day for Brantley and I, and Gannon is now 3m! I'm going to put that post up tomorrow!

Tune in on Friday for a review of our week! I'm going to do my best to do a weekly and weekend review for y'all!

Never letting go

                                           "I want to hold you and never let go"

     This is a phrase I know we're all familiar with and I'm sure at some point we've all said it. I used to tell Justin this every time he left me for the rig.  If you REALLY think about it though, how many times have you held someone and physically had to force yourself to let them go? I'm sure some people have just said that for the novelty of it and some people really mean it. Tonight after I went down stairs to check on Brantley and Justin I found Brantley sleeping which I expected. I picked him up and carried him to his bed and all of the sudden I was just overcome with emotions and love for my sweet boy. My sweet yet very rotten and spirited boy. I don't know why but it hit me incredibly  hard in that moment that I've failed him as a mother lately, while he is a very deliberately defiant little boy at times I've been incredibly harsh on him. When he misbehaves instead of using that as an opportunity to teach him the right way we yell and put him in time out. I've really been trying to take a gentler approach to disciplining him and so far I've failed.

    Anyway, I derailed from the point of this post! While standing in Brantleys room tonight as I was about to lay him down I didn't want to. I mean I literally didn't ever want to let him go,  had to force myself to lay him down. I could have stood there swaying with his sweetly sleeping body in my arms for eternity. I've obviously always loved my children more than anything but in that short, sweet moment I realized exactly what a mothers love really is, it's never wanting to let go.

World Breastfeeding Week

August 1st kicks of World  Breastfeeding Week!

   I have been incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful breastfeeding relationship this time around. Being able to nurse Gannon so effortlessly, without worrying if he's getting enough or having him spit it all back up and scream has truly been amazing. From day 2 everything has been perfect and I couldn't be more thankful! My emotions have been healed on so many levels and it's been so refreshing for me. Breastfeeding gives me the opportunity to sit down, breath, and connect with Gannon even on my busiest most stressful days.

  With all of that said, today we participated in something I've wanted to do for a while, The Big Latch On! We woke up and packed the car to drive an hour to help break the Guinness book of world records record for the most breastfed babies latched at one time!  There were events held all over the world! I gathered with a small group of only 8 women but we had a lot of fun, and with only 8 of us we lucked out and everyone got a raffle prize. I just so happened to win a new BumGenius 4.0 Patch print, I had been wanting a second so I was super happy.

  It was such an amazing thing to he a part of something so big that helps to bring awareness to something that is so dear to my heart. I'm looking forward to attending for the next few years aswell as our nursing relationship continues and grows.

Gannon Dean

Long time no post!

It's been 3 months today since my last post and a LOT has happened in those 3 months! To start with, we had a baby!

   Gannon Dean made his arrival after just short of 5 hours of BRUTAL labor and 7 minutes of pushing on June 3rd weighing in at 8lbs and 20in long. He was the sweetest tiniest thing I've ever seen and my heart melted the second he was placed on my chest.

   This time around labor was MUCH harder and 8 hours shorter than my last  and pushing was mush easier. I will say that you truly do forget the pain as soon as it's over, thinking back I know how painful my labor was but I can't remember it, if that makes sense. I still absolutely loved being in labor and the act of giving birth. It's the most empowering, amazing thing I've ever done and I can't believe my body has down it not just once, but TWICE.

   At nearly 2 months old Gannon is still the sweetest little thing. He sleeps like a dream, nurses like a champ, and wants to be held constantly when he's awake. He's already grown almost 3in and gained over 4lbs, mommas mil is doing its job!

  Brantley is filling the big brother roll well, aside from always stealing Gannons socks he absolutely loves him. He asks to hold him all the time and jumps the the chance to entertain him during tummy time. We've had a lot of trouble with his sleeping and behavior but that's a post all its own one day soon.  

   Justin has decided to go back to school this fall and I couldn't be prouder of him. He's going to for his Masters doing something with computers.

  That's all I feel like typing up today, so that's all you get 😄

35 weeks!

WOW.

Not only is this my first actual bumpdate, but it's probably going to be one of only a few! I've made it 35 weeks with Baby #2 and I'm so done. I obviously want to let him bake as long as he needs buy I wish I could just sleep through the rest of my 5-7 weeks.

Everything has been a-okay with baby and I so far, and for the most part these pregnancies have been insanely similar! The only real difference is my weight gain, and all the contractions I've been having. While pregnant with Brantley I gained 53lbs, this time as of 34 weeks 4 days I had gained 2lbs! I'm quite happy about that and I'm hoping it'll be easy to get all these extra pounds off after baby G is here. I also have a few hours every night that I have super regular and annoying Braxton hicks. Drives me insane and keeps me awake which I hate!

Bad blogger!

It has literally been 4 months since my last blog! I'm not going to lie, I've thought about updating 100 times but everytime Brantley has either got me busy or my phone is nearly dead so I never act got around to it!

Speaking of that monster, he's just that, a complete monster! He gets in to everything, climbs like a monkey, eats like a horse and throws fits like you've never seen! He's a very independent little boy, but if you don't jump when he wants you be prepared for a tantrum of epic proportion! That's something we've been working on alot lately with baby #2 on the way. I've come to the conclusion that he knows he'll no longer be the only baby, he's gotten so cuddly, always wants to he held and he's really taken to cosleeping. My only really worry with him is that he still doesn't talk much. I know he wants to, from the amount of baby babbling he does daily, but he just won't talk. He probably says 15 words, but very sparingly and only wen he wants to. I can tell that once he starts talking though he'll never stop! 

Now for an update on Baby #2! We found out that he is a he! I'm so excited to be having another boy, for right now we refer to him as Baby G since we decided to keep his name a secret until his birth. I did tell a few friends that I know wouldn't have rude things to say though, I was dying trying to keep it a secret from everyone! I'm 34 weeks along and feeling nothing short of huge! I have a feeling that he will either be one extreme or the other in terms of size, either 6lbs or 10lbs! I feel like it's another big boy, but I could be very wrong! I decided to take birth classes this time and I'm SO happy we did, Justin and I both learned alot ad I really got a feel for the hospital which eased alot of my anxiety. I was unbelievably happy to learn they really encourage moving during labor, and even have a jacuzzi tub for me to labor in! It's the complete opposite of the hospital I had Brantley at, they basically hooked me to every wire they could find and gave me one of those gross bedside toilets so I was extremely confined to the bed which was obviously the opposite of what I wanted! I'm very hopeful that I can have the natural experience I want this time and my OB is very on board with that. I also think the birth classes really helped reiterate everything I tell Justin and about assisting me and I think he's going to be alot more prepared this time.

Finally, I suppose I can touch on our living situation.... it still sucks. We toyed with the idea of moving around tax season but after really crunching numbers neither of us were comfortable with it. For the most part we co exist pretty well but we do have days that shit hits the fan, thankfully they're rare though!

2014

This past year hasn't been the best for my little family.  We've struggled a lot and had many downs. Justin lost his awesome off shore job, which eventually left us broke and wondering what to do next. We reluctantly decided that a move to Michigan with my family was about the only thing that would pull us out of our hole. At first I was very excited but the monger we stay here to more in realize it was a terrible decision. Our happiness has taken a huge blow, along with out marriage. We've begun working on all of this recently and are hoping to get our own apartment around February. 

2014 also came with a few ups! My sweet boy turned one! I got a new car and we found out we're expecting baby #2! I'm over the moon to be having another baby, even if it's n9t the ideal situation.

I'm going to be a cliché right now, but I can only hope that 2015 brings better things for us. 

Brantley, 14 months

Once again I'm here with an update on my big guy! 14 whole months have pashed since the day I gave birth and I seriously can't believe it. it's amazing to see the changes in him as he grows. He's learned SO many things these past few month.... He can now open all the doors, he build the cutest little things with his mega blocks, and he takes directions so well. I'm honestly amazed at how well he listens. I mean, it's simple things like 'out' when we leave a room, he hands things to me when I ask, and thankfully, he listens to 'no' more often than not. We most definitely have our ups & downs with his growing attitude as I addressed in my last post, but he's coming around well.

I know all these updates sound so similar but he's just learning so much so quickly!

My child the terror

These last few weeks have now doubt been a BIG adjustment for Brantley! I've tried to keep that in mind when he misbehaves, but his attitude had been so out of control lately that I'm at a loss. I know a huge part of it is just his age, not knowing any better,  and testing his boundaries so to speak. I still can't help but feel like the little brat has it out for me, hahah!

I'm so torn on how to go about disabling and teaching him right from wrong.  I always try redirection a few times before I swat his hand or butt. It seems like nothing gets through to him! He just screams, all the time. I don't even know what to do anymore!

Life updates!

It's been a while since I've updates on our current situation so hear goes....

We're still staying with my nana, which I absolutely hate. I got so uses to having my own home and my own way of doing things it's making me crazy to adapt to another person's way of life so to speak. Don't get me wrong though, I'm still extremely grateful for all the help we've gotten from here! Brantley loves the big yard to play in and chasing all the animals around. I'm super happy he's adapted so well to the big changes.

I've gotten close with my dad and his side or the family again a which is nice, I usually see everyone once or twice a week plus we do a Sunday fun day cookout most weekends. I'm extremely glad Brantley has cousins to grow up with like I did, he absolutely loves playing with them! I saw both of my sisters that I haven't seen in 10+ years & got to meet all my nieces & nephews, we had a great lunch date!

Justin is loving the weather and the area, I knew he would love the area but his opinion on the weather will change come next month! He's also gotten a job at the casino as long as all the paperwork goes through. In fact he's in a meeting with HR right now while I sit in the car with a sleeping baby that decided to wake up at 6:30 am waiting to go to the goodwill which has become my favorite place lately! I need to find new thrift stores and consignment shops to frequent!

The big ONE!

As of 10:55 p.m. on September 24th, my sweet sweet boy in now a one year old toddler! I can't believe how fast this year is gone, I feel like I just gave birth!

Over the past year I've watched my little boy grow and learn and I've done my own growing and learning as a mother,  woman, and adult. I know every mother says this, but I've got an amazingly beautiful, smart, and funny son. He continues to amaze me every day with the things he does and learns. Things as simple as drinking from an adult glass, or putting his bath towel in a dresser drawn (not fee correct one but still) amaze me to see. He learns so much just by simply observing his daddy & I.

My big man just cut his 7th tooth, wears sizes 12-24 months & can now climb stairs! He's a full blown walker now and is starting to run. I wish I had height and weight but our new Pedi is quite busy this month so I won't know until October 13th.

2 years!

Yesterday was mine & Justins 2 year anniversary! It's crazy to think I've been with this amazing man that long. He makes me crazy and I want to punch him all to often but I love him none the less. 

He's made so many sacrifices for Brantley and I, including leaving everything he's ever know to move to Michigan.  Did I blog on that topic yet? I honestly can remember,  hahah!

This one is short and sweet since my little in splashing in the tub and I can't be distracted for long. I've got a l9ng one for you tomorrow! 

Big changes

Since Justin lost his job we've encounter many big changes, some are good and others  not so great.

There are only a few things I like about the area we live in, the beaches and a few friends. Other than that it completely sucks. I hate Florida weather with a passion and the cost of living is insane, thanks to the asshole tourists that come down to trash everything. There's bugs, snakes, and endless humidity. I don't talk much about it but I really do miss Michigan more than anything. I miss the legitimate season changes, my family and the few friends I've kept after all these years and most of all, I want a white Christmas.  There's is nothing worse than wearing shorts on Christmas.

I suppose the only point to that last paragraph is that due to Justins difficulty in finding a job in the crap area we'll be moving back to Michigan the first week October.  My mom, her husband and my father are all able to get him a job, we can stay with my grandmother in her massive house for the time being until we find out own place.

I just feel that in the current situation we're stuck in that it's better for us as a family. Aside from my mom none of my family has ever met Brantley which kills me. Justins family kind of sucks for the most part, and we get NO help with anything,  ever. I know my family will be more than willing to help with anything we need.

Justin is quite nervous about the whole ordeal as am I but I'm not going to hide my excitement either. He was born on Eglin and raised in this area for all 26 years of his life so I don't blame him for worrying but I wish he wouldn't stress so much. It in turn stresses me and makes me worry he'll change his mind at the last minute or something like that. Over the last few days I've started trying to figure what we can get rid of or throw away. I've come to the conclusion that we have entirely to much stuff!

I suppose I can throw in an update on my big WALKING 11 month old man! That's right, he walks! All over, all the time.

Post partum depression

This is a post I've been meaning to write for a long time. I've started and deleted it more times than I can count. This is an extremely personal thing for me to share with you, it's something I hid from my own husband for nearly 6 months. I thought denying it to myself would make it go away, I hoped pretending it wasn't there would fix it. After 6 months I finally broke down in tears one night on the phone with my husband (the hard stuff always surfaced while he was on the rig), and told him I thought I needed help because something wasn't right. I wasn't sure if it was lingering baby blues, ppd, or ppa but I knew something wasn't bright and more poor sweet innocent son was the one suffering.

Don't get me wrong, I did and still do love my son more than anything but that "connection" you always hear about just wasn't there. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant and fell in love the second I saw that positive test, but my pregnancy was difficult. Justin and I were still very early in our relationship, we we're pretty broke and everything that could go wrong did, aside from our healthy son. He was, and is a God send that always kept us going.

There were many things that contributed to my ppd, I could probably go on all day but the major ones were my birth experience,  the problems/failure I had with breastfeeding and Justins job keeping him away so often. I was alone, scared and lost in the very beginning of journey as a new mom. I didn't feel like I had anyone to turn to. My only friend with a child was states away, my mom always gave advice that went completely again my parenting 'plan' so to speak and I've honestly just never felt comfortable going to my MIL with questions and advice. I always felt as though she judged me for failing to breastfeed. 

I finally went to the doctor about 7 months pp and got help. He prescribe some medicine and it's made a world of a difference.  My marriage is thriving and I couldn't love my sweet boy more. I look in his big brown eyes now and feel that once missing connection. He follows me around all day, as frustrating as It can be at times it make my heart melt to see him smile up at me saying "momma".

I can't encourage you enough to talk to a doctor I'd you feel that something isn't right. You miss ouy on ao much more than you know. Speak up, to anyone you can!

Brantley- 10 months.

I know I always start out each update with something to the effect of "my baby's getting so big!", but it's true. My baby is 10 moths old! In less than 2 months I'll be celebrating his 1st birthday! It's hitting me extremely hard that he's so grown and I've been incredibly sad about it.

It blows me away to think about how far he's come in just 10 short months. There are now 4 teeth in his little mouth, FOUR TEETH! Can you believe it?! Sometimes I forget about them until he smiles that sweet little smile at me. The first 3 came in almost effortlessly but this 4th one gave him hell. A rash, fever, the whole nine yards. His physical milestones haven't changed much, aside from his attempt to stand unassisted these past 2 days. It's a pretty comical thing to see, him flailing his little arms bouncing off the floor. He can walk like a pro if I hold his hands and runs all over the house with the little push toy I bought a few months ago.

It's not really new, but we discovered that he LOVES water. Showers, baths, puddles, pools, rivers, oceans. All of it, right down to the melted ice cubes on the kitchen floor. He tries so hard to drink out of our adult cups. It usually ends in a wet sticky mess bur it's always a cute sight.

These past few weeks more than ever he's been a mommas boy. I can't walk out of his sight without a full blown melt down. It breaks my heart but sometimes I need to pee alone!  I saved two of the biggest updates for last, it's been nearly a month now and Brantley is 100% off the bottle!  & the biggest update,  he took 3 STEPS ALL BY HIMSELF.  Completely on his own.

Watching this little boy grown and learn is the biggest blessing I could've ever been given. I thank God every day for giving me a happy, healthy, thriving little boy.  A stubborn, ornery, nosy boy, but I love him none the less. Watching him grow and learn each day is the most hitter sweet feeling. If motherhood has taught me one thing it's that I'm not just Brantley's teacher, he's mine as well. In just 10 short months I've been taught to look at things a whole new way. I've learned more looking at the world through his eyes than I ever could have on my own.

Brantley's first fever

My poor boy woke up at 3 am with his first ever fever. I've been thankful that we made it this far with no sickness,  but he was so miserable last night.

I could tell something was up by the way he was sleeping. Usually a hard still sleeper, I could hear him thrashing and whimpering for hours. He woke up for a bottle and I noticed his head was burning up so I stripped his footie jammies off,  put just a onsie on him and brought him to our bed. Daddy helped me give him some pain reliever & fever reducer medicine. I tried to rock and cuddle him back to sleep with me but he just wanted to climb around. I let him be hoping he'd wear himself out, about 45 minutes later I laid him in his crib with a sippy cup of formula and about 5 minutes later he was out.

Thankfully, he woke up feeling much better today! Still a bit warm, but he's been acting like himself which is great!

A slap in the face

Last week my husband got a phone call that no oilfield man ever wants to get. He was released from his contract... He's still a Woodgroup employee but he has no contract right now, meaning he's not working, meaning he's not getting a paycheck. So after this month I have no clue how we'll pay our bills unless he gets another job, STAT! We took out a loan on his 401K (if you don't have one, GET ONE!) and this paycheck we just got was a good one.

I swallowed my pride and applied for food stamps and Medicaid for Brantley. I'm praying we get at least something.  I've been so stressed and worried about this... I try so hard to stay positive for my husband, because I can only imagine what's going on in his mind, but it's getting difficult. My anxiety is through the roof, my Prozac has been doing nothing for me lately. I feel worse than I did before I started taking it.


This post is going to be short because I just don't have the energy to talk about this one....